“April showers bring May flowers.” That’s how the saying goes. Well, April is about to close out. I wonder what lies ahead in May. Flowers, I truly hope.
Springtime is this miraculous time of rebirth for many plants. Everyone begins to get excited as new spouts are starting to show through the soil top. As I see this ritual each year I reflect back to my own personal transition and, in many ways, my own Springtime sprouting. I had a surgery in January 2009. However, it wasn’t until April or May of that year that I started to “sprout” so to speak. The first 3 months were really all about healing. This is the standard healing timeline for many after undergoing a vaginoplasty procedure. Once that was in the rearview mirror the real growth began. My life was in the midst of change. In all essences I began “fulltime” at the same time that I had my surgery. Thus, I was in the midst of a long period of “coming out”. I had begun to peer out of my topsoil and people wanted to know what this sprout was going to become. Include me in that statement, also. I often wondered into what, or more precisely, who I would become. At times it was easy to be myself but it was also very tough. But, as with others who were inquiring, I wanted to see the results now.
My recovery did hit a bump in the road. I was very concerned about this and it began to consume me. It got so stressful that I collapsed at work one day. A co-worker drove me to see my doctor. I was checked out and then my doctor said words I have never forgotten. She grabbed a piece a copy paper with a tiny speck or blimish on it. She asked me why I was so focused on a tiny speck, (meaning my small hiccup in healing) that was on the paper. As a whole the sheet of paper was overall pretty good. It opened my eyes to the fact that things were, in fact, pretty good. I smiled and agreed that I needn’t stress out so much. I needed to let things run their course.
As the sprouts enter the world each Spring, it is important to remember that each of them will grow and change at their own speed and when they are ready they will show us their true colors. Patience my friends. Patience.
I’m 27 years old trans man and I have been transitioning for almost three years now. Transitioning is a process. It’s a process to get your body to become who you know you are and how you envision yourself in your mind, mentally I transitioned years ago.
I have been on testosterone for three years. The anniversary of the day I started hormones I call my “maniversary.” For me testosterone is the second part of the process. Three years prior to starting hormone therapy I had been binding and living my life as close to male as I could. On April 19th 2017 I will have top surgery. Taking these steps in becoming the man I know I am is the right choice for me, but it might not be the right choice for everyone.
Just because you don’t take the hormone therapy doesn’t mean that you aren’t transgender. You still are. Some people can’t take it and others don’t need it. Sometimes it’s not safe for transgendered people to take hormones or even live as the gender that they identify with. It’s not safe because they are living in a place that if they embraced who they really a they could be in very real physical danger kicked out of their home or even killed.
Just like there are no two people alike, there are no two transgender people alike and some choices might work for some people and others not so much. Some transgender people are happy with their voices and the way that they look. Some people opt not to get surgeries. Yet, these people are still transgender and “We See You.”
In the next few weeks I start the next stage of my journey. I have so many mixed emotions, from excitement or nervousness yet the one constant emotion is that I’m overjoyed. It’s a new chapter in my life and I can’t wait to take the next step. My family and friends will be taking this journey with me and I hope you will too. I will be blogging about my experiences of being a trans man in the Midwest and things that have happened to me in my life.
If you or someone you love is trans and you have questions need support or just want to say hi you can reach me at email@example.com
Kane Fletcher can be seen performing with his group “Welcome to the Other Side,” Saturday, April 15, 2017, at Shenanigans Pub & Eatery located at 6121 US 20, Portage, IN 46368.
In May of 2016, then US Attorney General, Loretta Lynch, uttered these words during a speech, “…let me speak directly to the transgender community itself…we see you…”. These words brought me to tears then and I just pulled a tissue from my bag now. Why would these three simple words aligned side-by-side-by-side mean so much?
For almost 2/3 of my life I lived an invisible life. I had something that I was unwilling to let anyone see. Granted, for most of that time I didn’t even have a word to describe it but, nevertheless, I hid my uniqueness. The burden of living with a secret is heavy. It can consume a person and alter one’s reality. I did an excellent job of hiding my secret from everyone. I had perfected the covert operation to such a level that maybe a job with the NSA or FBI might have been successful. However, the burden usually always wins out, at least in my experience it does. And, for me, it did.
In 1998, I came out for the first time. It was a terrifying yet exhilarating experience. It was the first time I was visible to another. It was the first time I felt vulnerable. It was the first time I was uncloaked. I was naked, emotionally speaking. This is a common place to be in for transgender folks like me. We have to take this leap of faith in order for others to see us. It is an important first step toward our future.
On March 31 of each year, the transgender community stands and is visible. This is the International Transgender Day of Visibility. For me, everyday is my day of visibility. I live an out and proud life as a transgender woman. For many transgender people this is not the case. I am visible everyday for them. I want them to know that every effort by some to keep us invisible through “bathroom bills” and anti-trans legislation will not erase my existence. It will not erase their existence. I will not let that happen. Because I see you. WE SEE YOU.