Anniversary

Let’s talk about time. More specifically, anniversaries. January 20th is one of my anniversaries. However, prior to this date becoming significant for me, it was just a date on the calendar. But, now this date holds as much, if not more significance as any other date on the calendar. See, on January 20, 2009, I became complete. It was the date of my gender confirming surgery. This past weekend I celebrated my 10 year anniversary of this date.

To think that I am 10 years past my surgery date is a bit surreal for me. I am still processing what this means in the big picture of the overall journey. To be honest, thinking that I could be 10 years beyond an event that I had for a long time given 0% chance of ever happening may be what I am having trouble processing. My journey had a lot of ups and downs but it really wasn’t until the 41st or 42nd year that the idea of having surgery became possible. For the longest time it was just this idea that was fleeting as I considered all that I would have to sacrifice in order to get that. It was always the piece of fruit so high up on the tree that it was unimaginable to think I could reach it. But, I Did!

As I’m writing this I can’t help but think of those in my circumstance who are still seeing the piece of fruit as too high up, too far away to be reachable. I’m here to tell you that it may seem that way now but don’t ever give up on it. Don’t lose focus on it. Wait for that moment when the pathway up those branches becomes clear and then climb. Do so because that piece of fruit for me has been more satisfying as any other piece of fruit I’ve ever tasted. It is worth the wait.

10 years, I welcome you as an anniversary. I look forward to 11 and 12 and all of the others that will follow. January 20th is not just a day on the calendar for me. What will become your date? Peace.

Don’t Read a Book By Its Cover

I grew up in a small Midwestern town. I had a pretty standard childhood growing up in a family where my dad was an educator, my mom a homemaker and having to share a single bathroom with 2 brothers and sisters. On the outside it would appear that all was well. However, this was far from the truth.

How a person chooses to live their life is just that, living a life. It may, or may not, match how they feel about themselves inside. I’m not talking about whether they secretly dream of being a movie star but work in a corporate office. I’m talking about their internal sense of identity. This was my existence. What people saw on the outside wasn’t what was on the inside. What am I talking about?

A person’s internal sense of gender is known as their gender identity. Every human being has this. For a great majority their gender identity matches their physical body. The term for this is cisgender. Having your internal sense of gender match your physical characteristics causes no strife or emotional reaction. But for other their gender identity doesn’t match their physical body. This is the most common condition for transgender or gender nonbinary identifying people. There is a disconnect which causes varying levels of discomfort. This is the actual struggle that most trans/nonbinary face on a daily basis.

So what does this all mean? For me this meant living a life for 30+ years that fit more into the expectations of my surroundings such as family, friends, community and work. It meant suppressing feelings and aspects of my identity in order to not exist on the periphery of society. It meant carrying a heaping load of guilt and secrets with me everywhere I went. I always thought I could run away from this thing. No matter how fast or how far I went it never was enough to make the separation. So, one day, I stopped and finally faced it head on. It was the day when I first heard the term transgender and said “ok, whatcha got for me?” It was at this point that my life changed. It was the day I stood up and said “I am transgender hear me roar”.

The moral of the story is that people are always striving to create a place where they feel they fit in so give them a chance and a place to be themselves.