Hello All. Recently, I was out of town to present at a conference. I had to use a parking garage. When I was leaving it, I had to get my parking pass validated. As I thought about this process, I chuckled. Why, you might ask? It was because of how I thought for a second that my identity was not much different from this parking voucher.
Identifying as transgender has taught me that no matter how confident I am in my identity I spend much of my time validating it for others. Now, mind you, I travel around the country conducting transgender awareness workshops and events so, yes, it kinda is my job. But, you’d be amazed at how often I am “required” to validate my identity outside of the parameters of my work. Just about every time I make a phone call to check on a reservation, appointment, or any other conversation not with family or friends puts me in a position which requires validation. I get the full list of verification questions and when all my answers match I get the “oh, so you’re Meghan?” Um, yes.
Sometimes this validating is more subtle and without words. I was finishing up in a restroom at a public restaurant. As I was washing my hands someone entered, stopped, backed out to look at the gender indicator on the door, then reentered. At this point they looked me over from head to toe then to head again. This was followed by a unrecognizable facial expression, probably somewhere between “you’ve got to be kidding me” and approaching violent illness. I kept it together and just smiled, dried my hands and left. Funny things is, my only real concern was whether or not they would also wash their hands when they were done.
Trans persons are subjected to moments of validation constantly. It gets to be tiring to always have to do this. Hopefully the work I am doing for my organization, TREES, Inc. www.webetrees.org, is having an impact on this problem. No, not the alleged problem of being trans, but the problem of always having to validate my identity, my existence. Sometimes it just Is What It Is.
Wow, it is June already. It seems like winter just ended and now we are almost half way through Pride Month. A lot has happened since I last wrote. The first half of the year has kept me busy either teaching or traveling for TREES, Inc. (www.webetrees.org). Some thing that happened recently has caused an itch to get under my skin, so, I would like to share some thoughts on it. It is the recent SCOTUS ruling about “the baker”.
For those not in the know, in short, SCOTUS ruled that a baker in Colorado was unjustly “sanctioned” by the local human right commission/ordinance there. However, the ruling has been used as a tool to inspire some folks to think they can openly discriminate with “religious freedom” as the tool for this discrimination. My first, and most significant reaction is “Oy.” In fact, that may be as far as I should go with any reaction, but I won’t.
In my view, if someone wants to discriminate they will. It is only when there is a definitive or blatant record of it can much be done to debate which side is right. We are not at this point yet. See, someone’s “firmly held religious belief” has not been define and in many cases defining it is being avoided. By defining it, those who declare this defense for discrimination would actually be held to some level of accountability. Being held accountable would then mean they would have to show a true conviction to their religious faith. Right now, it is a wide open can of “pick and choose” religious doctrine adherence. Spew a bible verse when it is convenient and works for you. When challenged on other verses, side step them by declaring them obsolete. Wow, what a nice easy tool to be just plain old bigoted. And, as lower courts begin to rule in favor of “religious freedom” there starts to be legal precedent for upholding carte blanche discrimination. This should scare us all.
I mention to folks sometimes that I would love the opportunity to used these rulings to prove a point. I would like to open a restaurant and have the chance to ask people, or just make a blind assumption, about their sexual orientation of gender identity in the hopes that when they answer as straight or cisgender (not really thinking they would know that term but you get it) so I can channel Seinfeld’s The Soup Nazi by saying, “No Soup for You!”. Of course, this would probably land me in the news. In the end, this would be a terrible business model and I’d probably go out of business in short order, unless, I incorporate as an IRS 501c3 Religious Organization. Hmmm? Anyone want to join a board of directors? LOL
In conclusion, talking about religious freedom and discrimination is not going to go far. Actions will speak louder than words on this one. Go out and prove a point in whatever manner you wish, because, until this can is closed, it’s a free(dom) for all. Walk proudly as your authentic self and when someone challenges you to prove your authenticity just say “no proof required due to my religious freedom” and see how they react. Good Day.
So it was mentioned to me on Friday that a local radio station was having a discussion with their listeners on why we need a PRIDE Festival or more specifically why we shouldn’t have one. Just this morning before it was deleted on a local Michigan City community Facebook page someone said they didn’t understand why ‘you people’ needed a PRIDE Fest.
Here’s the deal, Michigan City has always had a large LGBT community. This community pays taxes here, spends money here, and CHOOSES to live here. NOT Chicago or Indianapolis or other big city with a ‘gay neighborhood’ but here. In fact I got news for you haters the WHOLE city is a gay neighborhood. I can’t swing a stick and not hit a LGBT person in my community. The LGBT community in Michigan City is no longer sitting on sidelines. Also we are no longer going to someone else’s city to celebrate PRIDE and why should we have to?
A more unified LGBT community is what I envisioned three years ago when I started OUT in Michigan City. Our Facebook page and eventually our website was started after my husband and I attended a RFRA protest march in Indianapolis and we witnessed first hand what a united LGBT community could accomplish. I wanted the same thing here and now it seems we are heading in that direction. As of this writing OUT in Michigan City had 1095 ‘likes’ and followers so we must be reaching a few people in Michigan City and the surrounding communities.
Honestly when I started our page and website I thought I was alone, but thankfully I’m not. Other like minded people have started their own projects like the La Porte county LGBTQ Alliance or the LGBT support group at the high school. The local PFLAG chapter here offers support to parents of gay, trans, bi, and questioning people and to any queer person in need of support. Real support for real people in need.
One of the things that attracted me and my husband to this city was it’s diverseness and inclusiveness, Michigan City for at least in the time I’ve been here, has been a haven for people from all different walks of life and for that I am thankful. I’m also thankful for the unwavering support that the PRIDE Fest Committee has received from The City of Michigan City.
Since we started the process of planning the PRIDE Fest I’ve been expecting a little blow back, but at less then a month before the event all I have to say is what took so long? For those of you though who ultimately just don’t get it. For those of you who have never had the word ‘fag’ screamed at you from a coward in a moving car as you are trying to carry groceries into your apartment. To those straight guys out there who have never been fired from a job simply because you are gay or had to suffer from any sort of disrespect or discrimination, yet you have theaudacity to ask “Why can’t we have a straight Pride parade?” To those of you who just don’t like us, I’ll put it in a way you will understand in a terms used since the first gay PRIDE parades dating back to the 1970’s….
WE’RE HERE! WE’RE QUEER! GET OVER IT!
And that my friends is my view from the other side of the lake.
Michigan City PRIDE Fest is June 30th 2018 at 121 W. Michigan Blvd (Next to City Hall) in Michigan City’s historic Uptown Arts District
Hello everyone. I write today waiting in line to use the bathroom, or restroom, or loo, depending on where you reside. Yes, trans people need to go every once in awhile. Not a remarkable discovery, right? I know, right? So, why is going to the restroom the first thing many people want to discuss about the trans community?
Ah, the restroom. A place designed for folks to go #1 or #2. A basic facility usually consisting of urinals, toilets, sinks and, hopefully, towels or hand dryers. Simple design, simple function and just plain simple, correct, or, so we thought. Then why all the interest in keeping trans people out of public restrooms.
There are usually two sides to any argument. In this case there are the trans folk who say, just let us use the restroom that we feel safest in. After all, we only need to go. In, out, easy peasy. The other side of the argument keeps saying that trans people in public restrooms is a safety issue. Of course, not a safety issue for the trans person but for cis (cisgender) women and young girls. Also, apparently, for men and young boys. Interesting. First question would be why would there be a safety concern if everyone is taught or reminded of the purpose of a restroom. So, where does the safety concern begin? It doesn’t begin anywhere because it is bogus. Then what is the real concern?
Raise your hand if using a public restroom is the coolest, most awesome thing ever. Yep, not seeing many, if any hands raised. That is because using a public restroom is a necessity, not a planned destination. It’s not a ride at Disney, people. Because of this some businesses have tried to make their public restrooms as pleasant as possible. Pretty colors, cool posters, couches, big mirrors. All in an attempt to make people feel less uncomfortable in them. Then you have a trans person enter and everyone gets uncomfortable regardless of the décor because people really don’t “get” trans people. Some people get appalled at the idea that trans people would come in and disrupt their comfortable feeling. I was told recently by a woman that the public restroom is their sanctuary. Really? Really??? It’s a restroom. Oh, my. And beside, it’s ok to feel uncomfortable. It builds character.
The point I’m trying to make is that trans restroom discussions are really about people being uncomfortable not them being unsafe. So, please do not fall into the toilet on this discussion and remind people that the restroom is not for resting (from being uncomfortable) but for doing #1 or #2, and occasionally for farting, but that is a whole other blog topic.
I grew up, quite a many years ago, in an educator’s household. My dad was in public education for 40 years. When I was young I was pretty much indifferent to my dad being an educator. I did try my best to take advantage of visiting “his” school when he was the Principal because it usually meant a visit to the office supply room. That was my super store of pencils, folders and notebooks. Just to clarify, my dad would pay for the items. So, my dad being an educator was kind of cool. I never envisioned that one day I, too, would be an educator.
I teach all the time. My “classroom” differs often. Much of the time it isn’t even in a school building. In reality, I consider the world as my classroom. This is so because every day I step out of my house I have an opportunity to teach someone something about me. Most times, it is transgender related because I live as an out and proud transgender woman. I am, for the most part, okay with this. I mean, I run a nonprofit organization that specializes in transgender education, so I am kind of destined to teach when I am engaging folks. My educator’s DNA comes in handy. But this is far from the only teaching I do.
In my spare time I work as a Substitute Teacher in a public school system. Yes, school systems do hire trans teachers, well, at least my hometown’s school system does. Being a Sub is not for the faint of heart. It takes a lot of patience, empathy, quick thinking, and perseverance. As a trans person in education I have found that I fare well for having thick skin, selective hearing and a sense of humor. You might ask why these would be necessary. Here are some examples of my experiences where this has been required.
Thick Skin: Kindergarten.
Boy: Are you a girl?
Boy: I don’t see it.
Me: Well, I am.
Boy: What about your voice?
Me: I have a deep voice.
Boy: I’m not buying it.
Me: Back to work
Selective Hearing: An Indiana “liberty” organization
Them: This “man” (me) should be spending more time teaching math, English and science instead of spreading their sexual identity to second graders.
My employer: We’re good. Thanks
Me from afar: Did someone say something? Lol
Sense of Humor: 2nd Grade
Student: Miss Meghan, can I ask you a question
Student: Are you a boy or a girl?
Me: A girl
Student: Oh, but why do you have a boy voice?
Me: I don’t have a boy voice. I have a deep voice.
Student: Have you tried a cough drop?
Me: I’ll have to give that a try. Thanks.
When Netflix announced six months ago that a new retooled Queer Eye, (formally Queer Eye for the Straight Guy) would premiere on the streaming
service a lot people including myself were skeptical, why did we need a new Queer Eye? Always the optimist I had high hopes that the series would not only stay true to the original but give us new reasons to keep watching it.
The original series premiered on BRAVO 15 years ago and would help the channel become the premier network catering to women 25 to 54 and gay men of all ages. The premise was simple, the show would showcase five gay men, each with an X-Men like superpower which included grooming, interior design, fashion, food & wine, and culture. (For that last one see Aquaman on the Superfriends.) These five gay men would find an unsuspecting straight guy nominated by a friend, family member or girlfriend to give them a “makeover.” So at the end of 45 minutes the disgusting caveman who leaves his unpaid bills in a wicker basket along with his dirty underwear and lives in squaller would in one day become a sophisticated and polished metro sexual that said girlfriend would actually like to spend time with. At the end of the episode we would see our real life superhero’s chilling with a cocktail in their secret headquarters watching their subject on a monitor as he groomed, dressed, and cooked for himself, and telepathically talked to fish…I mean did something cultural in his new professionally interior decorated apartment.
The show worked on bridging gaps between gay men and straight men by breaking down the barriers of what it means to be masculine. Just because you cared about the way you looked it didn’t mean you were any less of a man and the show set an example to gay men, just because you have certain mannerisms or a certain tone of voice you are not less of a man but more of one by embracing your truth and creating your own identity living life on your terms. Usually at the end of an episode the show left me feeling good and empowered.
In the new show we find an “all new all different” Fab Five. A new team of superheroes picking up where the first team left off. No longer based in the comfort zone of New York City the new Fab Five is based in Atlanta, Georgia and it’s suburbs. Not only are they making over their nominated subjects but changing attitudes and perceptions of how men in red states perceive gay men and how gay men perceive men in red states often making a very real impact on lives beyond a new wardrobe or hair style.
The impact they have on some of these men is so touching it can bring a tear to the eye. Like in episode four the Fab Five are sent to meet A.J. Brown, a civil engineer and closeted gay man who dresses very plain with no sense of style for fear of appearing ‘too gay.’ A.J. desperately wants to come out to his step mother and publicly acknowledge his boyfriend, yet caves into the fear of rejection. The moment he comes out to his step mother is a powerful testament to living ones authentic self, you can almost see a vail being lifted as she sees who he really is for the first time. The cameras in the room capturing this deeply personal event leave the audience feeling almost guilty for eavesdropping on a private family conversation and you can almost feel the sad regret A.J. has because he isn’t able to share his life with the father that passed away but finds redemption in the eyes of the woman that raised him like her own son.
At the start of the first episode of the series the ‘all new all different’ Fab Five tell us that the original show was fighting for tolerance and the new show is fighting for acceptance. Not just acceptance of queer people but of the acceptance of all people from all walks of life, like Cory a nascar loving Trump supporter from deep inside Georgia. The Fab Five find common ground, camaraderie, and dare I say friendship with a man who is deeper then just a political choice or a sport, just like a gay man is deeper then just his sexuality or finding the next trick on Grindr.
In a world where life long friends and family members are divided over politics or social issues or both, this incarnation of Queer Eye is about more than showing one person how to feel good about themselves, it’s showing all of us how to find common ground and to feel good about our common interests focusing not on what divides us but what brings us together.
And that is my view from the other side of the lake.
Season 2 of the all new ‘Queer Eye’ priemires June 15 on Netflix Season 1 now streaming. You can catch classic episodes of with the original Fab Five on YouTube.
We spend all, or most, of our waking hours looking around at all of the wonderful sights in our view. We look at our phones, at the TV, at the level of our beverage to determine if we need a refill. We look at a lot of things each and every day. But, how much do we really see?
As an out and proud transgender person I go about my business each day because that is what is needed to complete the to-do list. I go to the grocery store, the post office, the doctor, to wherever my list tells me to go. Most times I don’t think twice about it but every now and again I am reminded that my going places is really an opportunity to be seen. A chance to be seen by others. A moment to be seen as, well, just another person trying to figure out which avocado is sufficiently ripened. My reminder that it sometimes different is when I catch someone staring at me. I don’t spend a lot of time thinking if this happens to cisgender people or not. Doing that comparison doesn’t weigh on my goals of the day. What I do wonder, though, is what aspect of my being is so intriguing. I ponder.
I am secure in my understanding of who I am. If people take a second glance at me it doesn’t register on my “am I me enough today” radar. I usually default to “is my hair messed up?” or “is there food in my teeth?”. But never, “Am I Meghan enough for the world today?” I smile when I am the subject of extended glances. You know, just to let the gawker know that I see them. This usually ends the stare. Well, in most cases. I had a 4th grade student get caught staring at me and it ended up in a staring contest in which the rest of the 4th grade class was cheering the student on to “beat Miss Meghan”. It was fun and took a potentially embarrassing moment and made it into something altogether unrelated. The student won, by the way. They were applauded by their classmates. The moral of the story for me? Don’t be offended by the stares of others. Look them right back in the eyes and say I am visible and I SEE YOU.
Washington D. C. – The National Center for Lesbian Rights and GLAD has
named President Donald Trump and Defense Secretary Jim Mattis in a law suit arguing against banning transgender military personal from serving in the armed forces after.
On July 26, 2017 Mr. Trump Tweeted, “After consultation with my Generals and military experts, please be advised that the United States Government will not accept or allow transgender individuals to serve in any capacity in the U.S. Military. Our Military must be focused on decisive and overwhelming victory and cannot be burdened with the tremendous medical costs and disruption that transgender in the military would entail.” Despite what was said on the Presidents social media account there is currently no transgender ban in the military and according to the Pentagon “no modifications” in the policy towards transgender soldiers will be made until further guidance from the White House.
The lawsuit known as Doe vs. Trump was filed by Five active duty transgender service members in U.S. District Court claims that the ban “upset the reasonable expectations of plaintiffs and thousands of other transgender service members and the men and women with whom they serve and fight” the law suit goes on to state that “Execution of the president’s directive will result in an end to service by openly transgender service members and has already resulted in immediate, concrete injury to plaintiffs by unsettling and destabilizing plaintiffs’ reasonable expectation of continued service.” One of the plaintiff’s listed as “Jane Doe” on the complaint said in a statement, “I am married and have three children, and the military has been my life. But now, I’m worried about my family’s future.” Currently more lawsuits are being planned by advocates for transgender soldiers such as the one pending filing from OutServe-SLDN and Lamda Legal.
The identities of the five plaintiffs in the lawsuit are being kept anonymous for fear retribution.
The lawsuit against the Trump administration can be seen here. Doe vs. Trump
To be clear I’ve never been a “rainbow guy.” You know the guy I’m talking about the “rainbow guy,” we’ve all seen him. The older middle aged guy, he was in his 20’s or 30’s in the 1970’s or ’80s. They have the rainbow bumper sticker on their Honda Accord or the “ball chain” necklace with the five rings in the PRIDE colors hanging from it. Or maybe the polo shirt with the PRIDE flag embroidered on it in the place where an alligator should go. Some of us including yours truly have given those guys a sideways glance or an eye roll. I can hear one of my more judgmental friends saying, “Look at that old poof with the rainbow bumpersticker, like she needs to advertise.” So you can imagine the good natured ribbing I’ve been taking from my friends because I purchased a pair of limited addition Dr. Marten rainbow colored eight eye boots released for PRIDE 2017. My husband was appalled. “Rainbow Dr. Marten’s, those are hideous.” he said with disgust. Dr. Marten’s are to me what Manolo Blahniks were to “Sex and the City’s” Carrie Bradshaw always in style and always fabulous. Yet when I got the e-mail urging me to buy them even my first thought was these might be too much, even for me.
The Rainbow flag, designed by Gilbert Baker who passed away eariler this year was meant to be a symbol of not only the diversity of the LGBT community but of our strength and our beauty and it still is. You go into any “gayborhood” around the country and there’s the PRIDE flag in its various forms. From the rainbow pylons that line North Halsted in Boystown to simple PRIDE flags that adorn proud LGBT owned businesses in Indianapolis. There are even some PRIDE flags hanging from homes right here in Michigan City and Northwest Indiana. So when did it become a joke to show your PRIDE or even wear the rainbow? I mean I bought a pair of rainbow colored Dr. Marten’s because I’m proud of who I am, my marriage and my community. It’s not like I wore a t-shirt with a silhouette of a baseball player that says “catcher” to a child’s birthday party. Don’t laugh I’ve seen it happen. Then there’s the haters. Years ago when I was a bartender one of the wait staff who worked with me told me that she used to love the rainbow, until the gays “stole it.” For the record we stole the rainbow about as much as Neil Armstrong stole the moon after he planted the American flag on it. The moon as well as the rainbow still belongs to everyone, we were just the ones that got to it first.
As much as President Donald Trump is attempting to dismantle Presidents Obama’s legacy piece by piece he is also trying to limit our visibility and silence us. A man with five children (that we know of) from three different marriages who said that he prefers “traditional” marriage is trying to put us back in the closet and he’s doing it by cutting funding to HIV/AIDS treatment programs. He’s doing it when he tweeted that the military will no longer allow transgender soldiers to serve in any capacity in the military and he’s doing it when he caters to the Evangelical base. Evangelical’s who would rip our marriages and families away from us without a thought for our happiness, our rights or the rights of our children. The same Evangelicals who would expose LGBT youth to harmful conversion therapy and claim pro-life but turn a blind eye to the high amount of gay and transgender teenagers and young adults who commit suicide or deny services homeless LGBT youth in their “Christian” shelters. These are Donald Trump’s supporters and these are the same people that would like to see us go away yet they don’t seem to mind when the chief executive grabs the occasional pussy.
I refuse to let the Trump administration erase our legacy and I refuse be invisible so I bought the damn boots. Wearing them is just one of the little things I can do to fight back against the hypocrisy of this administration. Maybe in the end I became the middle age “rainbow guy” who I used to roll my eyes at. In retrospect maybe the “rainbow guy” had a point, maybe that rainbow bumpersticker or the ball chain necklace was just his way of not being invisible. Come to think of it we would not have the legacy that we have now if it was not for “the rainbow guy.”
And that my friends is my view from the other side of the lake, August 7, 2017.
A portion of the proceeds from the rainbow Dr. Marten’s go to The Trevor Project to stop bullying. You can get your own pair at drmartens.com
(Washington D.C.) President Trump continues to roll back Obama era policies, today as he announced that transgender individuals would not be allowed to serve in the military in “any capacity.”
President Trump made his announcement in a series of Tweets Wednesday morning. Transgender activists like Meghan Buell from South Bend, IN. view this as a major blow to the progress transgender individuals have made in the last few years under the Obama administration and deem it as discriminatory.
In an exclusive statement to “The Beacon” Ms. Buell had this to say about The Presidents decision“To blatantly advocate for discrimination against a single demographic is the most un-American thing any person in power can do. As an out and proud transgender American, I stand against the President’s statement and call for all Trans Allies to speak up against this action.”
President Trump claims in his series of Tweets that he consulted generals and “military experts” in making his decision.
“After consultation with my Generals and military experts, please be advised that the United States Government will not accept or allow Transgender individuals to serve in any capacity in the U.S. Military. Our military must be focused on decisive and overwhelming victory and cannot be burdened with the tremendous medical costs and disruption that transgender in the military would entail. Thank you” According to CNN there are over 6000 transgender soldiers serving in the military.
Senator John McCain, Chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committee said in a statement on his website that regarding The Presidents decision.
“The President’s tweet this morning regarding transgender Americans in the military is yet another example of why major policy announcements should not be made via Twitter.
“The statement was unclear. The Department of Defense has already decided to allow currently-serving transgender individuals to stay in the military, and many are serving honorably today. Any American who meets current medical and readiness standards should be allowed to continue serving. There is no reason to force service members who are able to fight, train, and deploy to leave the military—regardless of their gender identity. We should all be guided by the principle that any American who wants to serve our country and is able to meet the standards should have the opportunity to do so—and should be treated as the patriots they are.
“The Department of Defense is currently conducting a study on the medical obligations it would incur, the impact on military readiness, and related questions associated with the accession of transgender individuals who are not currently serving in uniform and wish to join the military. I do not believe that any new policy decision is appropriate until that study is complete and thoroughly reviewed by the Secretary of Defense, our military leadership, and the Congress.
“The Senate Armed Services Committee will continue to follow closely and conduct oversight on the issue of transgender individuals serving in the military.”
In his 2016 campaign then candidate Donald Trump claimed to be a “real friend” to the LGBT community as he was the only republican to speak out agains the Pulse Nightclub massacre in Orlando Florida. Mr. Trump said in his 2016 campaign that “Hillary Clinton can never claim to be a friend of the gay community as long as she continues to support immigration policies that bring Islamic extremist into our country and who suppress woman, gays and anyone else who doesn’t share their views or values.” Mr. Trump’s speech that was highly criticized at that time by Chad Griffin, the president of the Human Rights Campaign.
Will President Trump stop with this policy shift towards transgender soldiers or is the reinstating the the Clinton era Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Policy just around the corner, a question that may be on the mind of LGBT rights activist and gay, lesbian, and bi-sexual soldiers currently serving in the military.
After consultation with my Generals and military experts, please be advised that the United States Government will not accept or allow…… Jul 26, 2017, 7:55 AM
….Transgender individuals to serve in any capacity in the U.S. Military. Our military must be focused on decisive and overwhelming….. Jul 26, 2017, 8:04 AM
….victory and cannot be burdened with the tremendous medical costs and disruption that transgender in the military would entail. Thank you Jul 26, 2017, 8:08 AM